Reciprocate
by Nahii
Summary: It's been six years, and he still hasn't found the answer he was looking for.


**Reciprocate**

_Disclaimer: All wrongs reversed._

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

The city at night was one of his favorite views. The man in black sipped his drink as he contemplated this thought. Before him lay the jungle that was Ikebukuro decorated in its gaudy night time grandeur. The roads slithered snakelike, writhing through the tangled mass of concrete and steel as people made their way through the maze that was his beloved city.

He put down his drink and turned away from the view the massive windows offered him and turned his attention to other things – anything to distract him from the quick pace his heart drummed against his chest and the steady tick-tocks of his wristwatch signaling the passage of time.

His eyes tossed a disinterested glance around the room. It was filled with people mingling about, hoping to catch a break from the humdrum of their everyday lives, almost desperately seeking any form of thrill or excitement, anything to break through the monotony.

Was he no different? Was he doing the exact same right now, in this particular time and place? He stole another glance at his wristwatch for the umpteenth time. He has not been waiting long but the steady movement of the watch's hands effortlessly spelling out the minutes flitting by made his pulse quicken in...

...anticipation?

...foreboding?

...in a jumbled mess of ambivalence as the minute hand drew closer to the designated hour.

There was a funny feeling in his gut that he washed down with the gin and tonic. He was surprised that he had agreed to this, that he had willingly allowed himself to be subject to what may be one of the most awkward nights in his twenty-four years of existence - to name a few.

The grin that spread on the thin lips was both sardonic and amused. Flashbacks from years ago made their way to his consciousness and Izaya still had it in himself to cringe in a mixture of hilarity with a dash of embarrassment at the recollection.

_My god was I really so… And did I really act like a..._

To any other person at the club, the man sitting alone by the windows appeared to be deep in thought as he peered into his nearly empty glass. But Izaya - his thoughts were lost and a faint tinge found its way to his cheeks and the cynical grin gracing his mouth curved into a nostalgic one.

•

_The door to the club room flew open with a loud bang. Izaya looked up from his cellphone, eyebrows raised in surprise._

"_Oh wow! Shizu-chan finally decided Biology Club is worth his precious ti-" A paper bag flew and landed gracelessly on his face interrupting the brunet's boisterous chatter._

"_Shizuo how very rude of you to greet me with- ohhh brownies!" Izaya dug his hand into the bag and it came out triumphant with the dessert in hand. A huge childish smile blinded Shizuo as the blonde walked over to sit across the table from him._

_A huge bite. The sound of hearty chewing filled the room. "Mfffph sho good Shishu-chan!"_

"_I'm glad you like it, flea." Shizuo leaned on his chair then frowned. "I had a hell of a time in home ec making them, ya know. And I had to make them just right 'cuz I was failing the damn class."_

_Izaya choked on the bit of chocolate stuck in his throat as his mouth grappled to form words. "Y- y- y- y- you made these?"_

"_Like I said," Shizuo growled. "It took forever to make them right. I'm beginning to get pissed just thinking about it argh!" His fist slammed loudly on the table and Izaya cringed as he heard a crack suspiciously sounding like the protest of wood against Shizuo's brute strength._

_A bespectacled face peered curiously through the open door. "Afternoon. you guys. What took forever to get right? Why is the club room open? And holy crap Shizuo you're here? That explains the loud banging I just heard. Hey, Izaya, how are you still alive with just you and Shizuo in the room?" Shinra scooted closer as if to confirm Shizuo's presence in the room._

"_You ask too many questions, Shinra." was the blond's only reply as he offered the paper bag to his friend._

"_I know, right? I know, right?" Izaya sniggered._

"_And you, Izaya, talk too much." was Shizuo's retort._

"_That, he does." Kadota chimed in. He closed the door with a soft kick. "And welcome back Shizuo. We weren't sure you were still interested in..."_

"_In the pursuit of Science~" Shinra quipped._

"_Heh~ yeah right." Shizuo murmured._

"_But these are really good, Shizuo." Kadota said, helping himself to the brownies, a pleasantly surprised expression on his face._

"_But of course~ only the best for me~" Izaya stood up and hopped towards Shizuo's seat. "Thank you, darling."_

_Izaya's lips puckered as if aiming to kiss Shizuo's cheek but his mouth fell on empty air._

"_You're in one of your weird moods again, flea!" Shizuo moved to shield his face from the boy. "Stop being so fucking..." Shizuo groped around for the word he wanted. Everything he came up with seemed not quite right to describe Izaya's peculiarities._

"_Awhs." the raven pouted. "One of these days Shizuo is going to appreciate my forwardness, hehe. Well, thank you so much for the snack I'm heading off now." Izaya __did an outlandish twirl towards the door and with a peace sign and a wink, he was gone_

"_But, Izaya! We just got here!"_

"_Izaya!"_

•

"Izaya."

A hand clamped down on his shoulder and he nearly spilled what remained of his drink.

He looked behind him and scowled. "Damn it, you almost gave me a heart attack!" Izaya clutched his chest dramatically. But truth be told, his heart was pounding loudly in his ears.

What is it was _him_? What if _he_ was the one who-

"It's nice to see you too, Izaya." The newcomer chuckled as he stepped forward into Izaya's line of vision.

"And may I point out that you have nothing to worry about? After all, you have a fine medicine student with you right now. It may probably be the best setting for a heart attack!" A sly, mischievous grin followed.

"Somehow I find that does not comfort me one bit." Izaya retorted with a small smile, enjoying the familiar camaraderie between them. "Take me up on that offer again when you get your license."

"Oh you, of little faith." Shinra guffawed at this, took a seat and beckoned to the waiter to place his order.

Izaya raised his eyebrows in comic surprise.

"Tea? You'll be having tea?" his shoulders shaked with mirth as he shook his head unbelievingly.

"Iced." Shinra responded, looking hurt. "Hey, hey. The night is young. I don't want to get stinking drunk before the others even get here." He eyed the drink in Izaya's hand questioningly.

"Relax. It's my first."

"Good." Shinra deadpanned. "If I remember right, alcohol and you were never a good combination. Ever."

"Now _I'm _hurt. I was a kid! Back then, I just let the alcohol get to my head!"

"Hahaha!" Shinra doubled over with laughter. "I think you're understating things, Izaya."

"Eh?"

"I mean, if I remember things right, it was half a can of beer..."

•

_They were at Shizuo's place, celebrating the end of midterms. They raided the fridge and kitchen and came out victorious, triumphantly toting six cans of beer and popcorn into the family room as war spoils._

_Eventually they decided they had better things to do than talk about the past exam, which depressed fifty percent of all present and they opted to watch a movie instead._

"_Hey, hey! Shi- zu- chan~ Is it over yet?" Izaya elbowed the boy in question, poking at his ribs._

_The glare of the television in the dark room reflected in the blond's chocolate eyes. He didn't even spare Izaya more than a glance as he grabbed the half-empty can of beer in Izaya's hand and hushed the brunet._

"_Shut up, flea. We're getting to the good part. Here comes the old lady and the little kid."_

_Izaya snuck a glance from where he was huddled underneath the blanket and looked at his companions in the room, their gazes staring transfixedly on the screen. He dared a quick glance and his eyes widened in horror._

"_Shizu-chan. ah__hhh__. AAAHH! The fuck was that?"_

_Something akin to a squeak left his lips as he burried his face against Shizuo's arm. "Shizu-chan I feel woozy…"_

"_Then stop moving around too much, you flea!. Stay still and most of all, SHUT IT."_

_Izaya peered back to the screen and what he saw made his skin crawl and his stomach do crazy flip-flops that did not go well with his gag reflex. His face scrunched up as a wave of nausea hit_

_Maybe staying still doesn't actually sound like bad advice…_

_Shinra looked up from where he was sitting on the cushions by the floor. "Izaya should not drink beer if he can't handle it."_

_The queasy brunet stuck his tongue out, and proceeded to cover his eyes again._

"_Izaya should also not watch horror movies with us if he's a scaredy-cat." A quiet chuckle from Kadota voiced __his__ agreement with Shinra. That comment earned the young bespectacled man a pillow to the head._

_Inspired, Shinra__ followed __Kadota's mutes laugh__ with, "If Izaya is not watching the movie, he should let me sit on the sofa beside Shizuo instead of hogging all the space to himself." That one got him a kick on the back and he dived forward, barely missing the coffee table by centimeters._

_Kadota tore his eyes away from the creepy dead lady singing a lullaby to the little girl and shook his head. "Leave the cute couple alone. Shinra.", the teasing undertone obvious in his voice. He raised his beer can in a silent toast to Izaya whose face went green at the sight of Kadota gulping down mouthfuls of the vile, horrid stuff. Kadota reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn and continued to watch on._

_His comment though, did not escape Shizuo._

"_Wait! Who's the cute couple here? If you're referring to me and Iza-" A scream cut Shizuo's sentence._

"_Ahhhh SHizu-chan! The dead lady! The creepy __as fuck dead__ lady pulled the man into the tomb!"_

_Shizuo cursed. "Damnit, now I missed the scene. Rewind it! Rewind it!" Shizuo dove for the remote._

_Izaya wailed as he fought for the remote "Nooo! No no no! I don't want to see it AGAIN!"_

"_Ah__hhhhhh__ shut up flea, shut u__uuuuuu__p!"_

_Izaya stood, victorious, remote control in hand._

"_Uhh, Izaya…"_

"_Izaya, are you oka-"_

"_Bathroom is that way, flea."_

_Izaya made a run for it._

_Minutes later, just as the movie was nearing its climactic scene, a voice spoke up behind Shizuo, scaring him more than the movie ever would._

"_Fufufu~ __Is it over yet, Shizu-chan?"_

•

"That was! So hilarious! Shizuo's scream! That night! Still haunts me!" Shinra wheezed out in between fits of laughter.

Izaya was loathed to admit it but a faint warmth had crept up his neck. "I was young. And care free. And full of myself"

"You were a lot of things, Izaya. Still are, I bet." Shinra agreed with a small smile.

"So, how are you?" Izaya leaned back in his seat, eyeing his friend whom he had not seen since high school. Granted, they have kept in touch but Izaya had tried his best to stay out of contact these last few years.

_Which makes me wonder what the hell I am doing here, now, especially knowing that-_

Shinra's voice interrupted his thoughts as his friend bothered to answer his trite question.

"Oh, the usual. you know. Med school, girlfriend, pretty unexciting if I may say so myself. What I want to know is what's up with _you_."

"Me? My life is just as boring, maybe even more. I have uni and a part-time job and between that, I pretty much stay at my place. It can't get any more mundane than that."

"I notice the lack of a love interest."

"My god, Shinra, you chose to latch onto _that_? And I even let your girlfriend comment slip!"

"Well, you can't blame me if I am very much interested considering the circumstances. Actually, I was more curious with what happened years ago."

The innocent words found their mark and Izaya looked down at his hand at a loss for words, unsure on how to begin or if he should even say anything at all.

"That's what I thought so too." Shinra said, with a small, knowing smile. "Oh there's Kadota!" He stood and waved the man over.

The newcomer jogged toward them, huffing as he reached their table. "Hey!" He touched Shinra's shoulder as a greeting and nodded to Izaya in acknowledgement, his eyes going over Izaya's form discreetly. Izaya did not fail to miss it, however.

"Don't worry, Dotachin. You're not looking at a ghost right now."

"Heh, Izaya, always the wise ass. You can't blame me though, it has been what, six years?"

His companions nodded in response.

"Anyway, I was worried I was not going to make it in time. Traffic is horrible and the weather forecast says rain. The clouds are in complete agreement so a lot of people are trying to make it home before the downpour."

"That's alright." Shinra quipped. "I just barely got here myself. Izaya was the first to arrive."

"Oh?" Kadota raised his eyebrow at Izaya pointedly, who refused to demean himself by answering the inquiry and its implications.

"Yep. Izaya and I were reminiscing about high school-"

"Weren't _you_ the one doing the reminiscing, Shinra? I was just forced to listen and-"

"I bet it was real embarrassing, huh?" Kadota grinned. "I mean, if it was high school you guys were talking about and Izaya was involved, it was bound to be embarrassing in one way or another for all parties present"

'See, even Kadota remembers, Izaya!"

"Shut up."

"Oh hey, I remember this one incident after gym class, in the showers where Izaya-"

"Shut it, I said!"

"Oh man, haha! I think even _I_ blushed a bit then."

Izaya gritted his teeth. "I said- "

Simultaneously, both Shinra's and Kadota's cellphones rang. Kadota flipped his open.

"Oh, it's a text. Shizuo says he just got off work and he's going to be a bit late, around ten minutes."

"Yeah, I got the same message too." Shinra pocketed his cell phone.

Kadota bit his lip and looked at Izaya, the comment burning at the tip of his tongue.

"Come on guys, why are you even surprised that he didn't send me a message? I bet he doesn't even know my number. Hehe~" Izaya laughed it off with a wry smile. "Anyway, Shizuo works somewhere around here? I didn't know that." _I don't know a lot about Shizuo, anymore._

"Yup. He took a break from university and is working as a bartender somewhere near this place."

Kadota was still eyeing his closed cellphone. "I still think it was rude. And besides, you still have the same number, right, Izaya? No matter what, it's not like Shizuo to be like this." Kadota ventured and looked to Shinra for agreement.

Izaya wanted to tell Kadota to drop it but when he too, looked at Shinra, the young doctor was very quiet, for a change.

"Shinra?"

"Actually, Izaya."

"Why do I get the feeling that what you'll tell me will make me regret showing up tonight even more than I already do now?"

"Shizuo doesn't know."

Izaya bit back the tiny lurch his heart made and made a conscious effort to stop his hands from shaking.

"He doesn't know that you'll be here tonight, Izaya."

•

"_Shizuo?"_

_His inquiry was met with silence._

_Whether the boy ignored his approaching friend or was too absorbed in his own thoughts was unsure. The newcomer ignored this bit of rudeness and sat beside the blonde anyway and made himself comfortable in the shade of the tree._

_He was pretty sure something was amiss with his friend. Shizuo seemed more tense than usual, as if a tiny spark could set him off any second. His brow was scrunched up in confusion, irritation, or was it maybe anger? _

_Whatever the emotion was, Shinra knew how to handle his friend and hounding him with questions now was not going to help diffuse the ticking time bomb that was Shizuo's temper._

_The seconds ticked by into long minutes and the hot midday rays of the summer sun made Shinra's eyelids droop until his head fell forward in the awkwardness of sudden sleep._

" –_ya."_

_The quick indiscernible word jolted the napping youth awake. Shinra tried to gather his scattered thoughts as Shizuo mumbled the word again._

"_Is that what's bothering you, Shizuo?" He rearranged his eyeglasses and observed his friend curiously._

_The blonde didn't seem so tightly wound up anymore, he must have reached a sort of understanding with himself while Shinra napped._

_The furrow in between his brows was however, still there. Whatever was still bothering him was not too much of a nuisance to set him off in his usual rages, Shinra surmised._

"_I don't understand him, Shinra." _

_He missed the grin the flitted across his friend's face._

"_I don't think anyone does, Shizuo." Shinra stood up, the slight twinkle in his eye indicating he already had a fair idea of what was bothering the blond. "Whoops there's the bell. Are you coming to class?"_

_More silence._

"_Mm, yeah I thought so. Well, see you later, Shizuo. Hang in there, okay?"_

_With a quick pat on his shoulder, the bespectacled boy was gone._

_Shizuo watched his departing friend's back with a glum expression, already having second thoughts about not opening up to his friend. Maybe he should have at least told Shinra about some it. _

_But what could he say?_

_He didn't even know where to begin or how to explain it all._

_The words '_I think Izaya has been acting weirder than usual lately_,' doesn't even begin to cover it._

_Damn Izaya!_

_It's all that damn louse's fault!_

_His hand twitched. A faint growl made it's out his throat and he bit back the quick impulse to smash something._

_Just remembering that horrifyingly embarrassing shower incident this morning was enough to send a faint blush creep up his neck._

_He could never fully understand the complexity that was Izaya. Normally, he wouldn't even give a damn about the flea and just tolerate his existence, his constant presence in their small circle of friends._

_But this morning, there was the slightest catch in Izaya's voice when he asked Shizuo The Question._

'_Will you never like me, Shizu-chan?'_

_Empty words._

_Izaya threw him that question every now and then, sometimes with a hint of sarcasm, at times with an annoyingly sweet voice. But earlier today –_

_Shizuo bit his lip._

_The problem with Izaya was that his intentions are never entirely clear. His words, his actions – what may seem genuine to a lot of people was, most of the time, just a game to him. He liked to pick on people, get into their heads_

_And that was probably what he was doing this morning when that small hitch at the end of the question just when Izaya said his name – _

"_Shizu-chan."_

_Shizuo stood up abruptly and walked away from the spot briskly._

_He knew it was an attempt to run away, futile as it was. Because if only he could escape his thoughts, he would._

'_Will you never like me, Shizu-chan?'_

•

He didn't know that Izaya was going to here tonight.

Shock had frozen him on the spot and the only thing he was capable of doing was to stare blindy across the room.

It was Izaya alright – the hair black as unforgiving night in stark contrast to the pale skin, those cruel brown eyes that flashed in tandem with his detached, unreadable grin – there was no mistaking it.

Even if those lips were night now curled in a mix of frustration and anger.

From the entrance of the dimly lit place, it wasn't hard to miss the small commotion at the window-side table where the occupants were firmly trying to get their companion to sit down. Izaya was trying defiantly to let the other two let go of his wrists but he was failing miserably.

And Shizuo had a clue as to why Izaya seemed desperate to leave.

He was feeling the same desperation himself.

Part of him wanted to escape while still unseen, to just leave a message saying something came up and he was unable to go. Already, a hundred excuses came into mind and his hand itched to take his cellphone and run away from the place.

Another part of him, however, forced him to stay put for reasons that escape him at the moment. But that part of his instinct was still insisting that he must not leave.

Words from across the years made their way to his ears, as if the last time he heard them was just yesterday.

"_Shizu-chan?"_

Shizuo swallowed thickly.

"_It's always going to be like this with you, ne?"_

With the slightest prodding, the part that wanted to run away won.

With one last sidelong glance at the brunette, Shizuo turned about face and rushed out the building.

•

Izaya struggled to free his wrist from his companions, but the other two appeared to have no intention of letting him leave.

"What are we, kids?" Izaya hissed, twisting his arm in an attempt to get Shinra to let go.

"Seriously, let go of me!" This one was for Kadota.

Already, people were looking at them curiously. A couple of women even smirked at them before whispering in each other's ear, while others averted their gazes, trying to appear disinterested in the small commotion.

"Stop it, Izaya, you're causing a bit of a stir." Shinra deadpanned.

"Oh so I'm at fault, am I?" Izaya bit out through gritted teeth. 'What the fuck are you trying to accomplish anyway by keeping me here?"

"Shizuo is going to- "

Something in the glinting of Izaya's eyes stopped Shinra from finishing.

"Izaya, what- "

Izaya took advantage of Shinra's momentary confusion and shook his wrist free.

'If you're keeping me here for _his_ sake, and I mean that big lump of adrenaline, he just left."

"B- but.." Dotachin stuttered, also letting go of Izaya.

Izaya rubbed his wrists, wincing, before he took out his cellphone.

"I think he saw me, and it probably wasn't that hard because of the tiny ruckus going on that was supposedly _my_ fault while everyone conveniently forgot the tiny fact that I was being held against my will. So whose fault is it now that your pretty little plan failed?" Izaya snapped.

The snarker was back.

"It's not like that, Izaya!" Kadota insisted.

"Yes," Shinra interjected. "We just wanted- "

"I know, I know. Don't apologize."

Izaya gave them a small condescending smile, and then was a flurry of activity. He grabbed his coat, laid out some bills on the table and was on his phone within seconds.

"I need you to- Oh, outside? Fine. I'm on my way. I'll explain later. And why are you laughing?"

After that cryptic conversation that left Shinra and Kadota puzzled, Izaya gave them a small shrug in explanation as if to say '_I don't know either._'

Shinra opened his mouth then closed it again, as if deciding whether to ask the question or not.

"Izaya, will we-" Kadota began.

"See you again?" Shinra finished.

"I don't know. I guess?"

There was a lopsided grin and a quick wave that signaled the man's goodbye.

•

He was in a mighty hurry to leave so he wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings. Seeing Izaya unexpectedly, running away - it sounded so much like a trite scene from a shoujo manga, Shizuo had to curse at the thought.

_Damnit._

At the same time, he felt a coldness seep down his spine and he had the foresight to duck out of sight.

It was the strangest of coincidences to see _that man_ here, of all places. He would recognize that white suit, those short dark locks and those slitted eyes anywhere.

Even if the last time he saw was them was years ago.

'_What was- And why is he even-'_

And then, as if on cue, Izaya appeared just yards in front of him, a little out of breath from exertion. Shizuo couldn't stop the tiny gasp that escaped him upon seeing Izaya again. It seemed the shock of seeing him the first time wasn't enough. The second time still took his breath away.

Shizuo was sure it will be quite a while before he'll get used to the sight of Izaya again.

Not like he'll have the opportunity nor the need to get used to it, anyway, he told himself, in a half-hearted attempt at consolation.

And he held his breath, waiting to see what the brunet would do.

•

All the way home, Shizuo told himself again and again, and again, that his stomach did not make painful twisted motions when he saw Izaya walk up to Shiki nonchalantly.

He told himself it was no big deal, seeing the familiarity with which Izaya arranged the collar of Shiki's shirt. Shiki's answering gesture by brushing those soft, black locks and tucking some stray strands behind Izaya's ear did not make him feel like his chest was on fire.

And it was absolutely not painful to breathe when he saw Shiki open the car door and Izaya got in with a teasing smirk.

A teasing smirk that was very familiar, and very nostalgic.

Strangely nostalgic, and sad.

Blindly, Shizuo made his way inside his apartment, fumbling with his keys.

He made it to the kitchen and opened a can of beer. The soft popping sound was a bit comforting in the empty apartment.

Shizuo swallowed more of the bitter drink as the memories found their way, one after another into his consciousness.

A flirty smile.

Gulp.

Running after the other in the school hallway, screaming death.

Gulp, swallow.

And then, there it was again.

That small catch in his voice.

'_Shizu-chan?'_

_Choke._

He was halfway into his third can when he banged it loudly on the table as more memories flooded in.

Half a can of beer.

Horror movies.

He drained the can and crushed it unceremoniously, throwing it on the sink among the others.

Empty.

And very nostalgic.

* * *

**A/N:**

I apologize for submitting a new story when I have an unfinished one, but I will be finishing Reciprocate first before my other story, Cede.  
My muse is not being gentle about it either.  
My muse wants this finished asap and I'm a virtual black and blue mess... the slave driver ;n;

I hope you like this chapter so far! Is it too much? Too confusing?  
Please tell me what you think about it. I'd _really_ appreciate it!

Love,  
Chi Y.


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